sleep tight

Fall in love with a man is interesting feel that i always wanna feel. If you ever read my blog post 3 years ago, you will understand why fall in love is not easy again for me. I spend 4 or maybe 5 years loving a man, i share the story to my bestie, and finally she married with him, it's totally hurt me, and i think i can't believe anyone again. Till now we never speak again, in her wedding she didn't invite me as my intruction, no matter how good she look i can't believe her again, and if i have to really trust her its just one thing, when she said "there will be a good man, the best man, waiting for me", at the moment i was crying and said "he is the best man for me, and you take him after you broken with your boyfriend, you are so selfish, doesn't have principle, just because your age will be expired, totally regret share how good he was with you". I can't tell you the details of the story here, but it's totally hurt, because of that i loss my weight around 5kg :(

Day after day passed, till i meet a man and i think i fall in love with him. He is so smart, cute, animal and maybe plant lover too, he have beautiful heart and soft voice. How can i fall in love with him? He buys some plant in my shop, sometimes he respond my status, and i'm totally amazed hearing his opinion when he start asking me a question.... then i start finding some information about him, he lives with beautiful mom and cute sister and he loves them so much........ hmmmm ....... i like it but still don't want make some expectations :p

Lately i'm so thirsty about history, the real stories 44 years ago that will being my 3rd book. I ever told you that i want give my mother a present, true a story about her in a book and it will happen. To write that story i need some information, about the places, the detail character, what the thing they like and dislike, i'm so thirsty. Like always my aunt never allowed me to skip my dinner in her house, not just eat our food, but i should share what happen today. I tell her what movie i watch and why i like it, why i'm so curious about it and finally why i give the movie 4 stars, then i remember about my 3rd book and start questioning everything who my mom was in the past. Spending 2 hours hearing her story make me can't stop laughing and crying, i think she's good on remembering something. Now i can't stop writing! Thankyouuuu my beautiful aunt, your contribution can't be ignored :'>

Suddenly think that no person in this world who never being a liar. If we give equality value to all the feeling we feel, we will realize that we often lie at least for ourselves. What i mean 'equality' here is positive and negative stand equal, positive not always good and negative not always bad. In general we can feel 5 feeling, anger, sadness, disgust, fear and enjoyment. Happiness is everyone's goal, example in your birthday you will get the message "happy birthday, i hope your dream more closer to you" , when you get married "congratulation for both of you, happily ever after", look happiness is totally our goal and because of it everyday we trying to be happy. When we start add the "trying" word, we start to lie without realizing it. Lying is never easy especially lying to yourself.

When you sad - just feel it, when you angry - it's okay to explode it, when you don't want meet someone - don't meet them, you don't need look happy or feeling okay every time. You don't need to pretend to be strong. Be honest, and i call it self care. The real "strong" mean for me, like when i touch cockroach, i never feel fear anymore. It's honest. Maybe for now we need to find the real feel of every feeling and stop lying. Good luck!