my personal life

what i feel when my friends resign one by one

21.57


When everything around me is moving so fast, i stop and ask, "Is it the world that's busy, or is it my mind?". We usually think of "mind" and "world" existing indenpently of each other. If someone asks where our mind is, most of us would point to either our head or our heart, but not to a tree or the sky - Haemin Sunim

The picture above is so sad, the picture is incomplete, we miss 5 pharmacist for 2 years :(
I dont know the wrong things is me, or the system, or every person effect each other decision, what i truly know is how sad i'am when i lost my friends one by one, when they decide to resign, i always ask my self ... is it true i'm still happy working here?


Till today, i still in doubt ... "jalanin aja" .... sambil "jalanin aja"  ... setiap hari berdo'a kepada Allah, semoga aku berjodoh dengan mas yang diam-diam ku suka .... sambil "jalanin aja" aku harus tetap semangat menulis buku pengen banget pas menikah uda punya tiga buku....dan semoga masnya mengerti aku suka sehingga tidak terlalu lama aku sendiri ....gambaran kalau menjalani masa depan bersama masnya nampaknya akan jelas (1) kalo aku diberi kesempatan berdiskusi dengannya, aku akan bilang bagaimana kalau kita membuat apotek bersama, aku sebagai apoteker kemudian dia yang praktek, (2) bagaimana kalau kita berkolaborasi, karena aku suka bunga dan dia menyukai tanaman, kalau bisa kita desain berdua kita bisa membuat toko bunga di dalam apotek bersama-sama, (3) bagaimana jika dia juga menulis, karena aku pernah membaca puisinya di line dan itu bagus, sehingga kita berdua bisa sekolah sastra (berdua?), (4) karena dia sepertinya sangat menyukai/betah ditempat kerjanya sekarang dan jika di poin 1-3 dia tidak setuju, gapapa aku tetap bekerja di rumah sakit selama 5 tahun aja sambil mencari beasiswa ke eropa (dia kelihatannya sangat pintar bahasa inggris, sepertinya menyenangkan mencoba hidup di luar negeri beberapa tahun dengannya), (5) jika ternyata poin 1-4 tidak akan terjadi, ingatkan aku untuk tetap bahagia dan "jalanin aja" lagi.... (6) jika nanti aku harus patah hati lagi, ingatkan aku pernah bahagia karena mas nya pernah datang ke mimpi dan memboncengku, mengantarkanku ke tempat kerja dan menemaniku bekerja, aku mengatakan "andai bisa seperti ini setiap hari" dan merasa sangat bahagia karena mimpi itu...

Balik ke topik, apa sih sebenarnya yang kurasakan kalau teman-temanku pada resign? Kehilangan uda pasti, tapi yang paling berat .... apa iya aku akan menua di rumah sakit ini selamanya? :( uda itu aja ..... masalah apakah diluar ada yang jauh lebih baik dst itu gapernah jadi pertanyaan karena menurutku selama kita kerja ikut orang lain rasanya akan sama... bahagia di titik tertentu sedih di titik tertentu... sekian curhatannya ..... ini foto terakhir dengan mbak lia... hati-hati mba... semoga segera bertemu bahagia.. terimakasih atas pelajaran selama bekerja bersama kita selama dua tahun ini <'3









beautiful hello

playing with kids 2

18.53


The last post its about Ony, Alya and me. Ony and Alya is a classmate, not from same parent. In this post i will tell you my experience when I with Ony and Michele, Michele 5 years older than Ony, they are siblings. Kids always like being center of interest (most of them), they always want being number one in our attention. They easily getting jealous each other, and the jealous increase when you're siblings. I just think the competitive feeling arise when we're born. Sharing anything with our close friends more easily than with our brother/sister when we child, that is the rule, so you don't need feel surprise when someday your 2nd child born.

Ony have extrovert personality, than Michele in the middle of extrovert and introvert. Ony can call me 10 times per day and Michele maybe 1 or 2 times. I took turns playing with them, rarely together, it's not because I set it up like that, but they both rarely want to play with me together, especially Ony. Finally i meet moment, when we can play three of us. I think it will be hard, but apparently not.


This is Michele, beautiful girl who getting happy easily, for her laying down and playing with her phone all day long is not her problem, spend her time outside is okay too, she rare look sad or angry, she quietly pays attention to what we like, what makes us feel disturbed, and more. She understand people better than me even she 14 years younger than me. 


and this is Ony, cutiest girl who getting bored easily, for her laying down and playing with her phone all day long is a problem, she want game changed every hour, makes me have to think fast and creative. She express her feeling better than me. She doesn't like her swing moving slow but crying when swinging faster. Sometimes i feel confused where i should stand when with her.



Michele often fights with ony in many times, but seems understands Ony better than me. Michele know the rules she play, so she never afraid making Ony crying because she know Ony will forget it soon. From Michele i learn (1) if you see people often fighting is doesn't always mean they hate each other, even they understand each other better, (2) two are better, but three are easier.

 



beautiful hello

playing with kids

08.47


If you truly know about me, you will understand that i'm the girl who love celebrate everything. When i see beautiful in flower i will learn about the flower then i celebrate it, when i fall in love in color i will change my clothes and design everything around me with that color and celebrate it, when i know my close friends getting sad or sick i will come to them, giving them some surprise and we laugh together. I really love celebrate everything and the bitter fact is my family never allow me to celebrate my birthday, new years, or others celebration which usually celebrated by all people in the world. I can't celebrate my birthday not because i don't have money or time, but our religion didn't accept it. The simple answer better when i give my money to someone who really need that money or better when i spend my time to talk with Allah for everything happen throughout the age that has been given. My father always said "our Prophet Muhammad never taught us to blow out candles and  sing a song to celebrate his birthday, even he crying and praying all night long on his birthday because he realized that his age was diminishing and there are still many sins". I get the lesson that my father trying to explain, but i still want celebrate the birthday is...... maybe without any candles and songs.... i just wanna share my happiness..... and once again if you know me that well, i'm a creative girl and i don't give up easily... so sometimes i celebrate my mom, my father birthday... they are happy and never realize that i celebrate their birthday.... without a song and candles and i hope Allah forgive me at that case. This story is just opening and in this post i wanna tell you how i spend my birthday this year without party but playing with this kids :'>


First their name is Ony (9 yo) and Alya (10 yo), they are my nephews. They are so childish like who i am, they like spending their time to watch some movie just like what i do, if they want something they said to me clearly, no doubt or fear, they never think to much what i will think, i don't know that's good or not. They can't stop playing all day long, then i learn that being mom need "super extra time" to playing with kids and it's impossible to when i'm being full time hospital pharmacist - maybe from now i should preprare another main job when someday i'm being a real mom :p


Having fun with kids sometimes feel so easy but uneasy path following too, their mood increase and decrease so fast, and i still don't know it's good or not, seeing them just like seeing me. My mood never stable, i'm so easy to be happy and sad. Because i feel they are the mirror of me, i can't stop smile everytime i playing with them..... and start learning maybe becoming mom will make you stress all day long but you feel happy at the same time..






Kids always look cute even they are sleep





After 7th days spend my time with that kids i learn (1) kids are fun, they never afraid playing anything because they not thinking or worrying too much about the risk, curiosity is their best friend, (2) whatever their personality is they will love romantic movies, don't afraid spend your night watching the princess switch with them, they will love it, don't worry about kissing scene, i teach them to close their eyes every the scene happen :p , (3) they will happy if you bring something for them after work, like ice cream or flower, you don't need think about the prices, they never ask, they don't need the expensive one, so don't waiting for payday to make them happy, (4) to be friend with jealous feeling is easy for them, so never ever think to get the 2nd child if your first kid not happy enough, (5) you should be creative person when you with kids, because they feel bored quickly, (6) when you feeling lost in adult stage, playing with kids once in a while, even when they are not your children, they will give you so many lessons.