sleep tight

Fall in love with a man is interesting feel that i always wanna feel. If you ever read my blog post 3 years ago, you will understand why fall in love is not easy again for me. I spend 4 or maybe 5 years loving a man, i share the story to my bestie, and finally she married with him, it's totally hurt me, and i think i can't believe anyone again. Till now we never speak again, in her wedding she didn't invite me as my intruction, no matter how good she look i can't believe her again, and if i have to really trust her its just one thing, when she said "there will be a good man, the best man, waiting for me", at the moment i was crying and said "he is the best man for me, and you take him after you broken with your boyfriend, you are so selfish, doesn't have principle, just because your age will be expired, totally regret share how good he was with you". I can't tell you the details of the story here, but it's totally hurt, because of that i loss my weight around 5kg :(

Day after day passed, till i meet a man and i think i fall in love with him. He is so smart, cute, animal and maybe plant lover too, he have beautiful heart and soft voice. How can i fall in love with him? He buys some plant in my shop, sometimes he respond my status, and i'm totally amazed hearing his opinion when he start asking me a question.... then i start finding some information about him, he lives with beautiful mom and cute sister and he loves them so much........ hmmmm ....... i like it but still don't want make some expectations :p

Lately i'm so thirsty about history, the real stories 44 years ago that will being my 3rd book. I ever told you that i want give my mother a present, true a story about her in a book and it will happen. To write that story i need some information, about the places, the detail character, what the thing they like and dislike, i'm so thirsty. Like always my aunt never allowed me to skip my dinner in her house, not just eat our food, but i should share what happen today. I tell her what movie i watch and why i like it, why i'm so curious about it and finally why i give the movie 4 stars, then i remember about my 3rd book and start questioning everything who my mom was in the past. Spending 2 hours hearing her story make me can't stop laughing and crying, i think she's good on remembering something. Now i can't stop writing! Thankyouuuu my beautiful aunt, your contribution can't be ignored :'>

Suddenly think that no person in this world who never being a liar. If we give equality value to all the feeling we feel, we will realize that we often lie at least for ourselves. What i mean 'equality' here is positive and negative stand equal, positive not always good and negative not always bad. In general we can feel 5 feeling, anger, sadness, disgust, fear and enjoyment. Happiness is everyone's goal, example in your birthday you will get the message "happy birthday, i hope your dream more closer to you" , when you get married "congratulation for both of you, happily ever after", look happiness is totally our goal and because of it everyday we trying to be happy. When we start add the "trying" word, we start to lie without realizing it. Lying is never easy especially lying to yourself.

When you sad - just feel it, when you angry - it's okay to explode it, when you don't want meet someone - don't meet them, you don't need look happy or feeling okay every time. You don't need to pretend to be strong. Be honest, and i call it self care. The real "strong" mean for me, like when i touch cockroach, i never feel fear anymore. It's honest. Maybe for now we need to find the real feel of every feeling and stop lying. Good luck!

The last few days i'm thinking about how if I and Annie create a book reading class every weekend. I have a good news from 1st december my hospital allowed me to get day off on saturday and sunday, its mean i can manage my time better. Aaaaaand the bad news i should work on 2nd shift 5 days non stop per week, and work on 1st shift 5 days non stop for the next week, 2nd shift 5 days non stop again for the next next week, 1st shift days non stop again for next next next week, this is my new daily works cycle! (remek, ter-lalu lelah, apalagi kalo si boss mintanya yang shift siang dateng jam 12:30, wagelah sih, aku gamau). Working 8,5 hours per day wirhout rest time? Sorry Sir i should cut your rules, i will make my own rules, i need my right for an hour's rest, so i will be there and ready to work at 13.30 :) ! Okay back to the topic, because i love reading and Annie too, and we read so many books this year, so we wanna share what we had been read to you guys! For the reading class we have some plans! Can't wait to meet Annie this week <'3

The good news is finally i finish my first novel and already sent the Bahasa version to local publisher. What i do right now is still write the english version, yeah i write 2 versions! Moreover i write my 2nd books too! My first book is fiction, a novel! If you are romantic story lover, i hope you will love it! In my book except love you can learn about life too, about simple little things that maybe you miss! Aku aja yang nulis baca berulang-ulang (bukan karena revisi aja), yeah i fall in love with my first book <'3, oh iya, i write it super simple, i cut a lot of words and i hope you can understand it easily! Rasanya uda gasabar buat megang bukunya secara nyata <'3

yang pengen aku ceritakan nulis itu jadi lebih mudah kalo buku pertama uda selesai, karena jadi tahu alur nulisnya, gabuka tutup EYD lagi, hihihi, selain kemarin sempet survey di instagram calon pembaca pengennya dicetak dalam bahasa apa, 67% memilih inggris dan 33% menjawab membeli dua-duanya jika aku bikin dua versi, ak nulis bahasa inggris krn pengen tahu hasil belajar selama setahun ini apakah menghasilkan, apakah bisa dipahami, walaupun versi bahasa inggrisnya kolaborasi ama alvi juga editingnya, but it was nice! 

At least one day a month i should visit my dentist to check my teeth, it's almost 8th months. Time fly so fast, the space between my teeth more bigger and bigger. The doctor said "It might only take a few more months for the perfect space to insert the missing central incisor", then he show me the denture he make. For the first i'm not ready to see how the denture is, i'm afraid it won't be the same, i feel shy when somebody know i'm using denture. But it's just my expectation and the fact is the denture is beautiful, supeeeer cute, totally similar with my real teeth, the colour is perfect, thaaaaanks drg. Yusuf!

finish what you started then watch good movies