sleep tight

When I was graduated, so many job opportunity in front of me. From the first time i learn in college, i know what subject that i love the most. What i love is different with what i can past easily, easy to get the best score. Because college is not for free, i follow the rules, the fastest rules to graduate as fast as i can. College not guarantee your future, but college is one of "a must" term in nowadays. College is complex games. There will be a fake lecturer who harness their college students for their research project, and more, and if you lucky you will be meet a rare lecturer who is real researcher. Why i can say that? because the "real" one, will do the project, will write, making idea, and the important point is "applied" the result for world, for better life, not for the new "tittle" at the end of their name, i think the "tittle" should be just extra bonus necessarily.

College make me learn a lot about people, about what "success" mean in their definition. But i think it's not me at all. They said becoming success is being a head of the hospital pharmacy installation or being a part of biggest pharmaceutical company and more, and the most bitter reality is the more success you are the little time you have. So Sad.

Money is the simple answer of their final definition about success. The more money you get, the more success you are. I'm not denying that i need money too, but i need money to survive from life, to support my dream, so i follow the rules they made. Oh yeah, still in my head, I never understand with people who like save their money, but they don't know for what the money for. I choose the job which at least can fulfill my needs, and give me enough time to do what i wanna do. Okay, the second questions is time. If i have so many time? what will i do? Is it true that i need a lot of free time? 

Basically, i don't really like laying all day long in my bedroom, because my neck will gotta sick. I don't like watching tv from morning till night too, or having long conversations with my family. Getting busy is my best friend, but not busy for other people business, but busy with my world, with myself. As your expectation i really like to write, so i need time to write, write my books, and the good news is after two years of hectic works in hospital, stolen some time to write, finally i got my first book finish in this Desember! Can't wait to meet you in my book tour! <'3

This is the power of the dreams itself. You need your dreams, because they are matter. Your dreams is your compass in this complicated world. Your dream will guide you to manage your money and time better. You need a big dream, the dream that will not be washed away when flood come. If having a house and cars is your dream, i'm sorry to say that your dream not big enough. Happy holiday and happy new years everyone! 

with love, uchi

semuanya menjadi bercahaya ketika dia melewatimu, sedihmu menghilang tanpa pamit, apapun padanya terasa indah, kekerasan melebur, dan kamu menemukan kembali tujuanmu, rasanya tidak bisa dibagikan, tidak akan yang memahami kecuali mengalami, menulislah jangan bercerita, menulislah jangan bercerita, menulislah, itu tidak akan mengubah apapun yang hendak kau ceritakan, karena tanganmu tidak berbohong

ada perempuan, perempuan tidak beruntung yang selalu merasa beruntung, dia selalu bahagia, bahagia menyayangi dirinya, hingga suatu ketika, perempuan itu bertemu seorang laki-laki, laki-laki  tak asing, perempuan tidak mengenalnya, yang dia tahu sejak saat itu, laki-laki itu mempunyai senyum paling damai, indah, menenangkan, di foto laki-laki itu tidak suka tersenyum, padahal pada definisi dunia nyata dia selalu ramah tersenyum, senyumnya saja cukup, cukup menenangkan dan membahagiakan perempuan bahagia, perempuan bahagia semakin bahagia, menyayangi dirinya dan laki-laki tak asing, hingga suatu ketika perempuan bahagia menyadari dia jatuh cinta

It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean, it's not like anything romantic happened between us. But I miss talking to him. Every time I come across something I think he'd like, I just wish I could call him up or send him a text. Like the other, I saw this movie, coherence. It was about parallel universes, and I just know he'd love it. That's the thing; he's the only person I know who would appreciate it the same way I do. And I wish I could watch it with him and talk to him about it. Why is that so important to me? I don't get it. I didn't even think about all this before I knew him.

"That's not important," he said.

"Then why haven't you mentioned her?" I tried to keep the bitterness from creeping into my voice. "If it's not important, why wouldn't she come up in conversation? Seems like a weird thing to leave out, since we've been talking every day -- sometimes for hours." I knew I was making a fool of myself, but I couldn't stop. "What's her name? Where did you meet her? Well, you're free to see whomever you want," I said.

"I like you. A lot. But you have a boyfriend, and we've been hanging out for weeks now. As far as I know, you haven't told him you've been spending time with me. I don't really get that." I felt tears well up behind my eyes. I turned my head away from him. The last thing I wanted was for him to see my cry. "What the fuck am I supposed to do?" he continued. "I don't know what I am to you."

"I don't, either," I blurted out. "I don't know what we are to each other. But whatever it is, I know I don't want to lose it."

"I don't, either," he said after a while. "I don't know what this is, but I like it."

"Me too."

"Han, jd lo mw ambil cake red velvet ato burn cinnamon?"

"Ta, menurut lo perasaan cowo sama cewe kalo ketemuan jaman dulu sama sekarang 'beda' ato biasa aja?"

"ya tergantung banyak jawaban, kalo gadeket-deket banget plg ya cuma 'o lo sekarang gn ya', kalo dulu pacaran sekarang mantan ya mungkin banyak diemnya.. well siapa yg ngerti?"

"Itu menarik sih, tapi sempit, gw mw yang lebih luas"

"maksudnya?"

"maksud gw adl apakah pasangan jaman 70an, ato naik sedikit 80an, jika si cowo ketemu si cewe emosionalnya, motivasinya, perasaan2 lainnya berbeda sama pasangan 2000an"

"o gt, kalo menurut gw sih kalo jaman dulu kan lebih kaku ya, media komunikasi jg terbatas, sempitlah pokoknya, kasus-kasus dijodohkan jg 'trend' kan pada jamannya, kalo sekarang media komunikasi menjamur dimana-mana, jd ya beda sih menurut gw, yawalaupun gabisa disangkal org jaman dulu lebih gampang dapet jodoh dibanding sekarang"

" hahaha, jaman dulunya siapa dulu, which is dia ada di level mana bawah? menengah? ato atas?"

"gw sebenernya paling 'sensitive' kalo obrolan kita udah merujuk ke status sosial"

"iya sih sama gw juga, haha"

"jadi lo mw cake yg mana?"

"gw cuma mw kentang sama beberapa literatur pendukung"

"jadi maksudnya kita salah tempat? dasaar,, mba maaf ya gajadi ambil cakenya"

Aku sedang mempelajari perempuan. Jangan pikir aku mempelajari perempuan untuk kalian. Aku belajar untuk aku. Aku suka belajar perempuan-perempuan untuk menemukan diriku. Terlalu naif menjadi diri sendiri. Terlalu banyak jiplakan orang. Perempuan usia berapa yang dapat memastikan dia adalah dirinya sendiri? "Jadilah diri sendiri" kalimat itu terlalu murah dan diobral.

Namaku Scarpia Hanna Renata. Aku sedang berada dalam stage kekosongan fase dewasa yang mampu kusimpulkan. Aku menoleh ke belakang, aku menoleh ke depan. Depan dan belakang, keduanya terlihat mengerikan. Aku tidak sanggup mengulang masalaluku, dan terlalu takut akan keputusan masa depan. Aku suka mengamati orang-orang, banyak orang disekitarku. Aku mempelajari mereka hingga melupakan hidupku. Tidak egois? bukan, akulah satu-satunya gadis paling egois. Tinggalkan ekpektasimu tentangku, baca gambar dan tulisanku satu-satu.

I was born on 31st August 1970. My father is Corageous TNI-Aur, he has 2 wife, the first wife has 6 childern, she is my mother, and also the second one. My mother is ordinary daughter of farmer. My family life is full of mysteri. When all of my sibling and neighbor told me a lot about my mother life is apprhensive about, but many told my mother is someone tough and never complain. She did what she need to protect her childern which rarely life in one house with my father, thats mean he should share his time with the second wife. This condition make my mother never realized that her condition is getting weak. For protect her children from dissapointment and bitter life, she should hold by her self, her condition is getting worse and she got illness. My mother leave us forever when I was 5th years old. 

- draf- 

dia melupakan pesta minum teh perpisahan putri-putri,, dia melarikan diri dari pesta itu untuk menemukan seseorang,, dia berlari sangat jauh dalam hutan belantara dengan hati penuh harap,, dia melihat amplop-amplop lagi untuk mencarinya,, sampai lari-lari terjauh hingga semakin tersesat dia tidak ada,, dan dia tidak ada