my personal life

apa yang membuatku tersenyum minimal satu bulan sekali?

16.28


Jika kalian mengikuti blogku dan telah membaca postinganku yang ini AFTER 8 MONTH THERAPY dan HE TELL ME I STILL HAVE A BIG HOPE kalian pasti paham kenapa aku harus ke dokter gigi minimal satu bulan sekali. Pada kedua pos tersebut aku membahas tentang mimpi dan terapi, tetapi dalam post ini aku mau membahas tentang beberapa hal di luar terapi yang menurutku sangat lucu untuk dikenang :)

Pertama kali memutuskan terapi itu adalah bulan april 2018, tahun 2018 adalah tahun kehilangan jati diri dan semua mimpi-mimpi besar seakan-akan hanyalah sebuah mimpi, seperti tidak akan terjadi, kecuali merapikan gigi. Banyak sekali dokter gigi di kota Malang, aku coba berdiskusi dengan beberapa dokter gigi yang ku kenal seperti di rumah sakit dan di klinik BPJS, tetapi mereka semua sepertinya tidak tertarik membantuku sehingga aku cari di google, akhirnya ketemu juga kliniknya. Aku chat adminnya alhamdulillah baik, kemudian karena resolusi kita tidak benar-benar sendirian aku pergi besama Eka, dia juga ingin merapikan giginya. Eka menjemputku di rumah sakit, kemudian kita berdua mencari tempatnya, pada map tempatnya sangat dekat tetapi setelah ditelusuri kita muter-muter dan tidak ketemu :(

Aku dan Eka memutuskan berhenti makan sebentar, tempat makannya di pinggir jalan, memasang harga lumayan, kita makan seperti tidak punya banyak uang, sehingga kita memesan apa yang kita perlukan. Momen yang membuat tertawa disini adalah (1) setiap secara random memilih makan dengan Eka, kenapa makanannya selalu tidak enak ya (?), (2) Eka mempunya helm yang lumayan bagus memang, sehingga dia selalu khawatir helmnya diambil orang, kemanapun dia ikut denganku dia akan membawa helmnya... seperti masuk ke tempat makan juga bawa helm....padahal sudah ada tukang parkirnya...mungkin suatu hari nanti dia akan takut suaminya diambil orang ya walopun sudah ada buku nikah (?), (3) Eka selalu bilang aku egois karena jas hujanku jas hujan single yang tidak bisa dibagi.... sehingga jika hujan kita terpaksa tidak kehujanan berdua agar tidak egois... hingga suatu ketika dia memutuskan membeli jas hujan single juga... jadi kita bisa sama-sama pakai jas hujan kita dan itu hanya terjadi satu kali karena setiap kali aku menjemputnya untuk bermain bersama dan mengingatkannya membawa jas hujan... dia tidak mau dan berfikir tidak akan turun hujan dan jika ternyata hujan terjadi dia akan mengatakan aku egois lagi... dan akhirnya hujan-hujanan berdua lagi hihihi

Akhirnya aku dan Eka sampai di klinik yang kami cari, ternyata kliniknya terlihat kecil dari luar, dari luar aku melihat cowo yang sepertinya kok tahu ya... kayaknya kita satu angkatan deh... apa perasaanku aja ya (?), kemudian kita masuk ke dalam, alhamdulillah mba resepsionisnya bhaiq, kita menjelaskan apa tujuan kita kesana, kemudian mbaknya mengintruksikan kita duduk di ruang tunggu untuk menunggu giliran bertemu dengan dokternya. Kita membuka-buka brosur sambil menunggu hingga giliran kita dipersilahkan masuk untuk diperiksa, kita tidak masuk sendiri-sendiri, kita masuk berdua. Aku mendapat giliran pertama untuk di periksa, rasanya tegang apalagi yang meriksa kayaknya familiar tapi aku gak kenal .-. , setelah diperiksa dan dijelaskan tentang rencana terapi yang akan kita lalui setahun kedepan, akhirnya aku memberanikan diri bertanya, aku panggilnya mas waktu itu bukan dok, gatau kenapa kayak canggung karena kita sepertinya seumuran,

"mas dulu kamu kuliah di FKUB ya?"
"iya" jawabnya
"makanya kayak tahu, uda lulus ya? soalnya banyak banget teman-teman yang masih koas"
"udah, alhamdulillah, pokoknya mau susah insyaallah bisa"

Dia bertanya sedikit juga tentang aku dan itu tidak terlalu penting, penjelasannya tentang terapiku terdengar agak berat, sehingga aku memikirnya beberapa hari hingga aku memutuskan untuk "oke uchi kamu bisa menjalankan terapi ini" dan datang kembali ke klinik tersebut, hal lucu yang selalu kuingat adalah setiap kali aku kontrol gigi untuk melihat perkembangan gigiku, dokter memintaku untuk senyum dan berkata

"coba se aku pengen liat, senyum" dia memberikan contoh untuk tersenyum
"malu...." jawabanku selalu seperti ini dan akhirnya aku tersenyum juga
"yang di sebelah sini udah bagus perkembangannya, sedikit lagi ya mba, yang sabar ya mba"

Banyak kesabaran yang diajarkan drg.Yusuf dan asisten yang membantunya, seperti mengajarkan tersenyum kepada pasien-pasiennya. Dari cerita ini kesimpulannya : untuk tersenyum aja aku harus belajar lo, aku membayar setiap bulan untuk belajar tersenyum, padahal kalian di luar sana bisa tersenyum kapanpun kalian mau, dan itu mudah bagi kalian, tidak perlu membayar, dan itu harus disyukuri, jangan dilupakan, jangan pelit senyum ya :) cheers!

my personal life

what i feel when my friends resign one by one

21.57


When everything around me is moving so fast, i stop and ask, "Is it the world that's busy, or is it my mind?". We usually think of "mind" and "world" existing indenpently of each other. If someone asks where our mind is, most of us would point to either our head or our heart, but not to a tree or the sky - Haemin Sunim

The picture above is so sad, the picture is incomplete, we miss 5 pharmacist for 2 years :(
I dont know the wrong things is me, or the system, or every person effect each other decision, what i truly know is how sad i'am when i lost my friends one by one, when they decide to resign, i always ask my self ... is it true i'm still happy working here?


Till today, i still in doubt ... "jalanin aja" .... sambil "jalanin aja"  ... setiap hari berdo'a kepada Allah, semoga aku berjodoh dengan mas yang diam-diam ku suka .... sambil "jalanin aja" aku harus tetap semangat menulis buku pengen banget pas menikah uda punya tiga buku....dan semoga masnya mengerti aku suka sehingga tidak terlalu lama aku sendiri ....gambaran kalau menjalani masa depan bersama masnya nampaknya akan jelas (1) kalo aku diberi kesempatan berdiskusi dengannya, aku akan bilang bagaimana kalau kita membuat apotek bersama, aku sebagai apoteker kemudian dia yang praktek, (2) bagaimana kalau kita berkolaborasi, karena aku suka bunga dan dia menyukai tanaman, kalau bisa kita desain berdua kita bisa membuat toko bunga di dalam apotek bersama-sama, (3) bagaimana jika dia juga menulis, karena aku pernah membaca puisinya di line dan itu bagus, sehingga kita berdua bisa sekolah sastra (berdua?), (4) karena dia sepertinya sangat menyukai/betah ditempat kerjanya sekarang dan jika di poin 1-3 dia tidak setuju, gapapa aku tetap bekerja di rumah sakit selama 5 tahun aja sambil mencari beasiswa ke eropa (dia kelihatannya sangat pintar bahasa inggris, sepertinya menyenangkan mencoba hidup di luar negeri beberapa tahun dengannya), (5) jika ternyata poin 1-4 tidak akan terjadi, ingatkan aku untuk tetap bahagia dan "jalanin aja" lagi.... (6) jika nanti aku harus patah hati lagi, ingatkan aku pernah bahagia karena mas nya pernah datang ke mimpi dan memboncengku, mengantarkanku ke tempat kerja dan menemaniku bekerja, aku mengatakan "andai bisa seperti ini setiap hari" dan merasa sangat bahagia karena mimpi itu...

Balik ke topik, apa sih sebenarnya yang kurasakan kalau teman-temanku pada resign? Kehilangan uda pasti, tapi yang paling berat .... apa iya aku akan menua di rumah sakit ini selamanya? :( uda itu aja ..... masalah apakah diluar ada yang jauh lebih baik dst itu gapernah jadi pertanyaan karena menurutku selama kita kerja ikut orang lain rasanya akan sama... bahagia di titik tertentu sedih di titik tertentu... sekian curhatannya ..... ini foto terakhir dengan mbak lia... hati-hati mba... semoga segera bertemu bahagia.. terimakasih atas pelajaran selama bekerja bersama kita selama dua tahun ini <'3









beautiful hello

playing with kids 2

18.53


The last post its about Ony, Alya and me. Ony and Alya is a classmate, not from same parent. In this post i will tell you my experience when I with Ony and Michele, Michele 5 years older than Ony, they are siblings. Kids always like being center of interest (most of them), they always want being number one in our attention. They easily getting jealous each other, and the jealous increase when you're siblings. I just think the competitive feeling arise when we're born. Sharing anything with our close friends more easily than with our brother/sister when we child, that is the rule, so you don't need feel surprise when someday your 2nd child born.

Ony have extrovert personality, than Michele in the middle of extrovert and introvert. Ony can call me 10 times per day and Michele maybe 1 or 2 times. I took turns playing with them, rarely together, it's not because I set it up like that, but they both rarely want to play with me together, especially Ony. Finally i meet moment, when we can play three of us. I think it will be hard, but apparently not.


This is Michele, beautiful girl who getting happy easily, for her laying down and playing with her phone all day long is not her problem, spend her time outside is okay too, she rare look sad or angry, she quietly pays attention to what we like, what makes us feel disturbed, and more. She understand people better than me even she 14 years younger than me. 


and this is Ony, cutiest girl who getting bored easily, for her laying down and playing with her phone all day long is a problem, she want game changed every hour, makes me have to think fast and creative. She express her feeling better than me. She doesn't like her swing moving slow but crying when swinging faster. Sometimes i feel confused where i should stand when with her.



Michele often fights with ony in many times, but seems understands Ony better than me. Michele know the rules she play, so she never afraid making Ony crying because she know Ony will forget it soon. From Michele i learn (1) if you see people often fighting is doesn't always mean they hate each other, even they understand each other better, (2) two are better, but three are easier.

 



beautiful hello

playing with kids

08.47


If you truly know about me, you will understand that i'm the girl who love celebrate everything. When i see beautiful in flower i will learn about the flower then i celebrate it, when i fall in love in color i will change my clothes and design everything around me with that color and celebrate it, when i know my close friends getting sad or sick i will come to them, giving them some surprise and we laugh together. I really love celebrate everything and the bitter fact is my family never allow me to celebrate my birthday, new years, or others celebration which usually celebrated by all people in the world. I can't celebrate my birthday not because i don't have money or time, but our religion didn't accept it. The simple answer better when i give my money to someone who really need that money or better when i spend my time to talk with Allah for everything happen throughout the age that has been given. My father always said "our Prophet Muhammad never taught us to blow out candles and  sing a song to celebrate his birthday, even he crying and praying all night long on his birthday because he realized that his age was diminishing and there are still many sins". I get the lesson that my father trying to explain, but i still want celebrate the birthday is...... maybe without any candles and songs.... i just wanna share my happiness..... and once again if you know me that well, i'm a creative girl and i don't give up easily... so sometimes i celebrate my mom, my father birthday... they are happy and never realize that i celebrate their birthday.... without a song and candles and i hope Allah forgive me at that case. This story is just opening and in this post i wanna tell you how i spend my birthday this year without party but playing with this kids :'>


First their name is Ony (9 yo) and Alya (10 yo), they are my nephews. They are so childish like who i am, they like spending their time to watch some movie just like what i do, if they want something they said to me clearly, no doubt or fear, they never think to much what i will think, i don't know that's good or not. They can't stop playing all day long, then i learn that being mom need "super extra time" to playing with kids and it's impossible to when i'm being full time hospital pharmacist - maybe from now i should preprare another main job when someday i'm being a real mom :p


Having fun with kids sometimes feel so easy but uneasy path following too, their mood increase and decrease so fast, and i still don't know it's good or not, seeing them just like seeing me. My mood never stable, i'm so easy to be happy and sad. Because i feel they are the mirror of me, i can't stop smile everytime i playing with them..... and start learning maybe becoming mom will make you stress all day long but you feel happy at the same time..






Kids always look cute even they are sleep





After 7th days spend my time with that kids i learn (1) kids are fun, they never afraid playing anything because they not thinking or worrying too much about the risk, curiosity is their best friend, (2) whatever their personality is they will love romantic movies, don't afraid spend your night watching the princess switch with them, they will love it, don't worry about kissing scene, i teach them to close their eyes every the scene happen :p , (3) they will happy if you bring something for them after work, like ice cream or flower, you don't need think about the prices, they never ask, they don't need the expensive one, so don't waiting for payday to make them happy, (4) to be friend with jealous feeling is easy for them, so never ever think to get the 2nd child if your first kid not happy enough, (5) you should be creative person when you with kids, because they feel bored quickly, (6) when you feeling lost in adult stage, playing with kids once in a while, even when they are not your children, they will give you so many lessons.

my personal life

10 questions to End the Year Intentionally

00.22


I read some blogs and inspired by Daisy and Cait Flanders to anwer ten questions before end the year, so this is my turn:

What make this year unforgettable?
the feeling when my friends get married one by one, the feeling of worrying about my future, the feeling that being 26 yo is not easy when you are not married yet, the feeling when everyone start asking about my relationship status, the feeling when i wear braces for the first time, the feeling that at least 1-2 years i can't go with man or my close friends because im in therapy, the feeling when i stuck working at hospital even though i don't like my job yet, the feeling when i know about library called libgen so i can read everything i want there, the feeling when order some books in periplus and being real hold the books i love, the feeling when i can share my ideas with Oky and Mutia in the first January, the feeling when i finally done with every concept of photography that i've been created, the feeling when i was angry after work, the feeling when i'm crying all night because everything i do feel so bad for others, i think i discover so many feeling this year, from the good till the worst

What did you enjoy doing this year?
I really enjoyed when i shop some plants, then i made some photography and start learning about the plants and the concept itself. I really enjoyed when spend my time to read and learn my favourite poetry books, and try to write over and over again. I try to cook some foods when i'm in the mood, and i think it not totally bad. I spend my weekend sometimes in my best friend home. I really enjoyed not travelling much too.

What/who is the one thing/person you're grateful for?
If that is a person it will be Meutia Tamimi Auli, i'm so happy can being part of her friend, she always have unique things to share, can share my problem with her is becoming fun because she have a cool perspective that anyone can't have.

If that is a thing it will be my blog, my blog giving me a facility that i can learn to write english anytime i want, my blog always have spaces to hear my stories and i'm for that.

What's your biggest win in this year?
I write my first book this year! A real book!

What did you read/ watch/listen to that made the most impact this year?
sad girls by lang leav, gateway car by taylor swift, to all the boys i've loved before by netflix, and good places by iflix

What did you worry about most and how did it turn out?
I'm worry can't finish my book because i'm lost in the middle of writing, but actually i did.
I'm  worry can meet someone i love because of my therapy, but actually i meet him twice
I'm worry not married this year, and it still unhappen yet, but it's okay, it's not my business, it's God plans :D

What was your biggest regret and why?
being a shopaholic (?) (?) T-T

What's one thing that you changed about yourself?
i'm not sure about this question, i feel nothing change T-T

What surprised you the most this year?
a flood attack my pharmacy, so much water fall down to the lift seems like water fall, so many natural disaster in my country T-T, i think i need the real Aquaman for 2019 T-T

If you could go back to last January 1, what suggestions would you give to your past self?
be confident, eat a good food, unfollow all online shop, don't sleep to much :D

beautiful hello

your dreams matter. period.

17.22


When I was graduated, so many job opportunity in front of me. From the first time i learn in college, i know what subject that i love the most. What i love is different with what i can past easily, easy to get the best score. Because college is not for free, i follow the rules, the fastest rules to graduate as fast as i can. College not guarantee your future, but college is one of "a must" term in nowadays. College is complex games. There will be a fake lecturer who harness their college students for their research project, and more, and if you lucky you will be meet a rare lecturer who is real researcher. Why i can say that? because the "real" one, will do the project, will write, making idea, and the important point is "applied" the result for world, for better life, not for the new "tittle" at the end of their name, i think the "tittle" should be just extra bonus necessarily.

College make me learn a lot about people, about what "success" mean in their definition. But i think it's not me at all. They said becoming success is being a head of the hospital pharmacy installation or being a part of biggest pharmaceutical company and more, and the most bitter reality is the more success you are the little time you have. So Sad.

Money is the simple answer of their final definition about success. The more money you get, the more success you are. I'm not denying that i need money too, but i need money to survive from life, to support my dream, so i follow the rules they made. Oh yeah, still in my head, I never understand with people who like save their money, but they don't know for what the money for. I choose the job which at least can fulfill my needs, and give me enough time to do what i wanna do. Okay, the second questions is time. If i have so many time? what will i do? Is it true that i need a lot of free time? 

Basically, i don't really like laying all day long in my bedroom, because my neck will gotta sick. I don't like watching tv from morning till night too, or having long conversations with my family. Getting busy is my best friend, but not busy for other people business, but busy with my world, with myself. As your expectation i really like to write, so i need time to write, write my books, and the good news is after two years of hectic works in hospital, stolen some time to write, finally i got my first book finish in this Desember! Can't wait to meet you in my book tour! <'3

This is the power of the dreams itself. You need your dreams, because they are matter. Your dreams is your compass in this complicated world. Your dream will guide you to manage your money and time better. You need a big dream, the dream that will not be washed away when flood come. If having a house and cars is your dream, i'm sorry to say that your dream not big enough. Happy holiday and happy new years everyone! 

with love, uchi

beautiful hello

my colorful 2018

23.33

So in the last January 2018 i create "colorful girl" into my life theme, not enjoying all colors at once, but i learn those colors one by one! In my imagination it will be red in january, then blue in february, yellow in march and so on, but it didn't 100% happen in reality. I'm too busy in 2018, didn't have fix schedule, so i can't explore 24 colors that i planned before.


Based on color code personality test i'm a red personality. Red mean i'm motivated by power. I seek productivity and need to look good to others. Simply stated, reds want their own way. Red like to be in the driver's seat and willingly pay the price to be in a leadership role. Reds value whatever gets them ahead in life, whether it be in their careers, school or personal life. What reds value, they get done.


Reds like to be right. They value approval from others for their intelligence and practical approach to life, and want to be respected for it. Reds are confudent, proactive, visonary, arrogant, selfish and insensitive. For a better relationship with red you must (1) present issues logically, (2) be direct and specific, (3) support my decisiveness, (4) respect me and (5) verbalize your feelings, and you must not (1) embarrass me in front of others, (2) argue emotionally and (3) take my arguments personally.

what if i like more than one color?


You can choose the color you like not the color that reflect your personality, off course you need a test if you wanna know what the real color you are. Because my test said that I'm a red, it doesn't mean i just only like the red one. I still be free to pick white, black, purple, and more!





So why i choose 'colorful girl' as my theme in this year? Because i wanna see everything as beautiful as how the colors works. 2018 is not about me, me and me, not only about the red. The colors you dislike can tell you a lot about yourself too, often reflecting your weaknesses and vulneralbilities. Your most disliked color will releate to areas in your life that need to be given attention or past hurt that need to be healed :')

Color Psychology said surround yourself with the colors you love, either by wearing them or using them decoratively in your environment. They will empower you to be true to yourself, to show your true color. Always use a small amount of other colors with your favorites to keep energies and behavior balanced. So i think i should discover and having fun with all colors as my 2018 uncompleted homework for 2019!