sleep tight

Dimana pun posisi rumput berdiri di pikiran kalian, baik sebagai hal baik, hal buruk atau hal biasa aja, rumput mengajarkan kita bahwa cara pandang kita perlu dikelola. Kalian tidak perlu benar-benar memelihara rumput atau terlalu histeris mencabutnya ketika dia mulai tumbuh, tidak perlu terlalu memuji "wah rajinnya" ketika melihat tetangga kalian bersih-bersih rumput atau mengatakan "dia malas banget orangnya" ketika melihat rumput tumbuh panjang di halaman rumah tetangga. Cara pandang mereka dan kita berbeda, dan perbedaan itu indah :)

First i feel special because I and Taylor swift was born in the same month, December. If you ever hearing 1989 Big Machine Radio, you will understand the story behind every Taylor Swift's song. She fall in love, break up, desperate, happy, angry, hopeless, fear, peace, compassion, and all emotions she's feel - she learn, imagine and write it into a song and i think that is too COOL. I love all songs in her albums, fearless - speak now - red - 1989 - reputation, OMG i just can't skip even one song on each album. I sing, i can feel what she feel, and i think i feel same feeling too. I'm so easy to fall in love with words, maybe in a books, musics or movies, and her words always successful make me crazy <'3

"Shake it Off is a song that i wrote about having to deal with on everyday basis... just kind of how human beings treat each other. It's not just me who has to deal with it, it's everybody out there living their lives. You know, the feeling of humiliation is the same when a girl has a rumor spread around about her at school isn't true, is the same feeling i feel when i'm checking out at the grocery store and i read some crazy headlines about me.. and i think that the way have to deal with those issues is the same, you have to learn to have sense of humor about things after a while or else you're just live in endless sea of resentment and bitterness and why are people doing this to me.. and rather than writing a song that was victimized in nature i wanted to write a song that was joyful and give people way to cope with whatever knots of ridiculousness life is doling out to them but also makes them want to dance"

"Blank Space is of the only songs that i've ever written that I started out wring as a complete joke.. i think as a songwriter you have to be pretty aware of who you are as a person, but then i think you also have to have one eye on what people think of you, kind of what the general perception is of you out in th world.. and in the last couple of years i've noticed there's been sort of a pretty sensational fictionalization of my personal life... you know, they kind of drawn this profile of this girl who's a serial dater jet setting around with all her boyfriends and then.. you know, she can get'em but she can't keep 'em coz she's too emotional and she's needy, then she gets her heart broken coz they leave and she's jilted so she goes to her evil layer and write songs about it for revenge. It's just kind of this very complex profile of a person. Then I got to thinking about it... and i started to think about how interesting that character is if she were a real person and had all these qualities and attributes what song would she write and ... em, i'm pretty sure it would sound a little like this"

"Out of the Woods is about the fragility and kind of breakable nature of some relationships, one of the golas i set out to accomplish when i wanted to make this album is i wanted to make sure that these songs sounded exactly the way that the emotions felt when i felt them. This was a relationship where it was kind of living day-to-day, wondering where it was going, if it was gonna go anywhere, if it was gonna end the next day. It was a relationship where you never feel like you're standing on solid ground. And that kind of a feeling brings on excitement, but also extreme anxiety, and kind of a frantic feeling of wondering. Endless questions, and this song sounds exactly like that frantic feeling of anxiety and questioning, but it stresses that, even if a relationship is breakable and fragile and full of anxiety, it doesn't mean that it isn't worthwhile, exciting, beautiful and all the things that we look for."

See i learn the story of every her songs and the story happen to me too! If you have free time, try to hear the reason she write the song, it will make you feel you're not absolutely alone :)

Jika kalian mengikuti blogku dan telah membaca postinganku yang ini AFTER 8 MONTH THERAPY dan HE TELL ME I STILL HAVE A BIG HOPE kalian pasti paham kenapa aku harus ke dokter gigi minimal satu bulan sekali. Pada kedua pos tersebut aku membahas tentang mimpi dan terapi, tetapi dalam post ini aku mau membahas tentang beberapa hal di luar terapi yang menurutku sangat lucu untuk dikenang :)

Pertama kali memutuskan terapi itu adalah bulan april 2018, tahun 2018 adalah tahun kehilangan jati diri dan semua mimpi-mimpi besar seakan-akan hanyalah sebuah mimpi, seperti tidak akan terjadi, kecuali merapikan gigi. Banyak sekali dokter gigi di kota Malang, aku coba berdiskusi dengan beberapa dokter gigi yang ku kenal seperti di rumah sakit dan di klinik BPJS, tetapi mereka semua sepertinya tidak tertarik membantuku sehingga aku cari di google, akhirnya ketemu juga kliniknya. Aku chat adminnya alhamdulillah baik, kemudian karena resolusi kita tidak benar-benar sendirian aku pergi besama Eka, dia juga ingin merapikan giginya. Eka menjemputku di rumah sakit, kemudian kita berdua mencari tempatnya, pada map tempatnya sangat dekat tetapi setelah ditelusuri kita muter-muter dan tidak ketemu :(

Aku dan Eka memutuskan berhenti makan sebentar, tempat makannya di pinggir jalan, memasang harga lumayan, kita makan seperti tidak punya banyak uang, sehingga kita memesan apa yang kita perlukan. Momen yang membuat tertawa disini adalah (1) setiap secara random memilih makan dengan Eka, kenapa makanannya selalu tidak enak ya (?), (2) Eka mempunya helm yang lumayan bagus memang, sehingga dia selalu khawatir helmnya diambil orang, kemanapun dia ikut denganku dia akan membawa helmnya... seperti masuk ke tempat makan juga bawa helm....padahal sudah ada tukang parkirnya...mungkin suatu hari nanti dia akan takut suaminya diambil orang ya walopun sudah ada buku nikah (?), (3) Eka selalu bilang aku egois karena jas hujanku jas hujan single yang tidak bisa dibagi.... sehingga jika hujan kita terpaksa tidak kehujanan berdua agar tidak egois... hingga suatu ketika dia memutuskan membeli jas hujan single juga... jadi kita bisa sama-sama pakai jas hujan kita dan itu hanya terjadi satu kali karena setiap kali aku menjemputnya untuk bermain bersama dan mengingatkannya membawa jas hujan... dia tidak mau dan berfikir tidak akan turun hujan dan jika ternyata hujan terjadi dia akan mengatakan aku egois lagi... dan akhirnya hujan-hujanan berdua lagi hihihi

Akhirnya aku dan Eka sampai di klinik yang kami cari, ternyata kliniknya terlihat kecil dari luar, dari luar aku melihat cowo yang sepertinya kok tahu ya... kayaknya kita satu angkatan deh... apa perasaanku aja ya (?), kemudian kita masuk ke dalam, alhamdulillah mba resepsionisnya bhaiq, kita menjelaskan apa tujuan kita kesana, kemudian mbaknya mengintruksikan kita duduk di ruang tunggu untuk menunggu giliran bertemu dengan dokternya. Kita membuka-buka brosur sambil menunggu hingga giliran kita dipersilahkan masuk untuk diperiksa, kita tidak masuk sendiri-sendiri, kita masuk berdua. Aku mendapat giliran pertama untuk di periksa, rasanya tegang apalagi yang meriksa kayaknya familiar tapi aku gak kenal .-. , setelah diperiksa dan dijelaskan tentang rencana terapi yang akan kita lalui setahun kedepan, akhirnya aku memberanikan diri bertanya, aku panggilnya mas waktu itu bukan dok, gatau kenapa kayak canggung karena kita sepertinya seumuran,

"mas dulu kamu kuliah di FKUB ya?"
"iya" jawabnya
"makanya kayak tahu, uda lulus ya? soalnya banyak banget teman-teman yang masih koas"
"udah, alhamdulillah, pokoknya mau susah insyaallah bisa"

Dia bertanya sedikit juga tentang aku dan itu tidak terlalu penting, penjelasannya tentang terapiku terdengar agak berat, sehingga aku memikirnya beberapa hari hingga aku memutuskan untuk "oke uchi kamu bisa menjalankan terapi ini" dan datang kembali ke klinik tersebut, hal lucu yang selalu kuingat adalah setiap kali aku kontrol gigi untuk melihat perkembangan gigiku, dokter memintaku untuk senyum dan berkata

"coba se aku pengen liat, senyum" dia memberikan contoh untuk tersenyum
"malu...." jawabanku selalu seperti ini dan akhirnya aku tersenyum juga
"yang di sebelah sini udah bagus perkembangannya, sedikit lagi ya mba, yang sabar ya mba"

Banyak kesabaran yang diajarkan drg.Yusuf dan asisten yang membantunya, seperti mengajarkan tersenyum kepada pasien-pasiennya. Dari cerita ini kesimpulannya : untuk tersenyum aja aku harus belajar lo, aku membayar setiap bulan untuk belajar tersenyum, padahal kalian di luar sana bisa tersenyum kapanpun kalian mau, dan itu mudah bagi kalian, tidak perlu membayar, dan itu harus disyukuri, jangan dilupakan, jangan pelit senyum ya :) cheers!

When everything around me is moving so fast, i stop and ask, "Is it the world that's busy, or is it my mind?". We usually think of "mind" and "world" existing indenpently of each other. If someone asks where our mind is, most of us would point to either our head or our heart, but not to a tree or the sky - Haemin Sunim

The picture above is so sad, the picture is incomplete, we miss 5 pharmacist for 2 years :(

I dont know the wrong things is me, or the system, or every person effect each other decision, what i truly know is how sad i'am when i lost my friends one by one, when they decide to resign, i always ask my self ... is it true i'm still happy working here?

The last post its about Ony, Alya and me. Ony and Alya is a classmate, not from same parent. In this post i will tell you my experience when I with Ony and Michele, Michele 5 years older than Ony, they are siblings. Kids always like being center of interest (most of them), they always want being number one in our attention. They easily getting jealous each other, and the jealous increase when you're siblings. I just think the competitive feeling arise when we're born. Sharing anything with our close friends more easily than with our brother/sister when we child, that is the rule, so you don't need feel surprise when someday your 2nd child born.

Ony have extrovert personality, than Michele in the middle of extrovert and introvert. Ony can call me 10 times per day and Michele maybe 1 or 2 times. I took turns playing with them, rarely together, it's not because I set it up like that, but they both rarely want to play with me together, especially Ony. Finally i meet moment, when we can play three of us. I think it will be hard, but apparently not.

This is Michele, beautiful girl who getting happy easily, for her laying down and playing with her phone all day long is not her problem, spend her time outside is okay too, she rare look sad or angry, she quietly pays attention to what we like, what makes us feel disturbed, and more. She understand people better than me even she 14 years younger than me. 

and this is Ony, cutiest girl who getting bored easily, for her laying down and playing with her phone all day long is a problem, she want game changed every hour, makes me have to think fast and creative. She express her feeling better than me. She doesn't like her swing moving slow but crying when swinging faster. Sometimes i feel confused where i should stand when with her.

Michele often fights with ony in many times, but seems understands Ony better than me. Michele know the rules she play, so she never afraid making Ony crying because she know Ony will forget it soon. From Michele i learn (1) if you see people often fighting is doesn't always mean they hate each other, even they understand each other better, (2) two are better, but three are easier.

 

First their name is Ony (9 yo) and Alya (10 yo), they are my nephews. They are so childish like who i am, they like spending their time to watch some movie just like what i do, if they want something they said to me clearly, no doubt or fear, they never think to much what i will think, i don't know that's good or not. They can't stop playing all day long, then i learn that being mom need "super extra time" to playing with kids and it's impossible to when i'm being full time hospital pharmacist - maybe from now i should preprare another main job when someday i'm being a real mom :p

Having fun with kids sometimes feel so easy but uneasy path following too, their mood increase and decrease so fast, and i still don't know it's good or not, seeing them just like seeing me. My mood never stable, i'm so easy to be happy and sad. Because i feel they are the mirror of me, i can't stop smile everytime i playing with them..... and start learning maybe becoming mom will make you stress all day long but you feel happy at the same time..

After 7th days spend my time with that kids i learn (1) kids are fun, they never afraid playing anything because they not thinking or worrying too much about the risk, curiosity is their best friend, (2) whatever their personality is they will love romantic movies, don't afraid spend your night watching the princess switch with them, they will love it, don't worry about kissing scene, i teach them to close their eyes every the scene happen :p , (3) they will happy if you bring something for them after work, like ice cream or flower, you don't need think about the prices, they never ask, they don't need the expensive one, so don't waiting for payday to make them happy, (4) to be friend with jealous feeling is easy for them, so never ever think to get the 2nd child if your first kid not happy enough, (5) you should be creative person when you with kids, because they feel bored quickly, (6) when you feeling lost in adult stage, playing with kids once in a while, even when they are not your children, they will give you so many lessons.